7 signs you’re a Covidfrump

“Frump” is one of those Ye Olde English words with roots in Middle Dutch and Anglo-Saxon. Basically because Britain kept getting invaded. Although there may have been a religious connotation at one time (perhaps influencing the Yiddish word frum, which just means “pious”) nowadays being a frump means dressing dowdily. Like most ideas about fashion it’s incredibly sexist: wearing drab old clothes that don’t fit, don’t match and are out of fashion, while male, makes you a real man (cos otherwise you’re a metrosexual and we all know that’s a slippery slope). Dressing in the same style-free style, while female, makes you a frump.

Women and gay men have “lifestyles”. This is known. Real men don’t have these but they do have car problems (their own and those of hapless hot females) which they fix while dressed in a selection of items of said style-free clothes. Some of these items can be removed, ripped or too small to better show off their manly muscles but they have to be careful with this, cos, if it’s self-conscious, it’s basically just gay garage porn.

Lifestyle mags are currently obsessed with women (and the gays who emulate them) “getting over their Covid frump”. It’s now a female bonding experience, bewailing the state of your lockdown locks. Being a female experience, of course many men want in on the action but some of them have found their tender gender “slipping away” (if it’s constructed principally on coiffure) due to their inability to access a hairdresser for the correct swish or shade.

But being a frump isn’t just about clothes or hair. No, no, it’s a complete lifestyle! And there are 7 signs in your lifestyle that indicate that you’re a Covidfrump:

1) Your dress standards have slipped (so many audio-only Zoom sessions in PJs) and you worry you should get out more.

2) Things really bother you (like men not wearing facemasks all day and kids not constantly antibacterialising their hands) when you do venture out.

3) You find yourself snooping on the neighbours (like Mrs Dursley peering over the hedge) just to check they’re keeping to the latest restrictions.

4) You feel a warm glow of “you tell ‘em!” whenever a government minister or other Big Pharma rep says anything even vaguely logical in connection to Covid.

6) You have no desire to meet with, or even talk to, members of your family or friends who listen to conspiracy theorists like Whitney Webb or Spiro Skouras.

5) You secretly feel that lockdown is lovely and wish it could go on for ever. (The good news is, because of people like you, it may well do!)

7) You and your circle take a masochistic delight in the adverse reactions (of varying severity) that you’ve all had to the vaccine. None of you have ever admitted this.

So you’re a Covidfrump, what can you do? Embrace it! Most women and gay men are just like you because these are the most valued demographics of the pharmaceutical market. You’ve been had.

You may suspect this, but the pain of disassociating yourself from that caring sharing cooperative oh-so-female/ gay identity you’ve constructed is just too great. I mean, just by not possessing a Y-chromo (or, second best option, only admitting to Y-Y sexual attraction) you’re instantly and already wonderful. Unlike those cavemen utterly and ultimately responsible for absolutely everything wrong with everything.

Fascism only works with frumps. Yes it’s the real men who (mostly) do the strutting up and down, speechifying, killing and torturing. But behind every great fascist there’s a great frump and that’s where you can make the push for The Great Reset of humanity, the inauguration of the 4th Industrial Revolution to take (a few of us) into a glorious eco-future (for the elite) where human labour will be replaced by robots – that then will replace the humans.

Hoi polloi, the bane of fascists since Plato wrote The Republic, means “the many”. Under the coming technofascism, they will be reduced to very few. Just enough to keep the transhuman machine ticking over. And, we all know that what fascists love the most (after stomping the marginalised in the face with their jackboots) is a uniform.

Be proud and be frumpy! By being a nice person, you make collaboration with the present eugenicist agenda respectable. That will ensure its success. Because who would revolt against kindness? Enjoy being on the right side of history. Even if you won’t be allowed to see it written – by the victors of the covert war against freedom you didn’t even know you were fighting.

Man in suit manipulates puppet of man in suit and woman in office uniform

Thanks to Mohamed Mahmoud Hassan for releasing his image Puppet Master into the Public Domain.